Separated and Unsure About Our Future

Hello! I have been reading over some posts looking for some kind of insight to my problem, but in the end, it looks like the best thing is to post my situation and maybe someone else can relate.

Basic situation:

We were together for over 8 years and married for about 3 of those. We split up briefly during that time, and we got back together without really working any problems out.

After about 4 years, she got pregnant. After looking at our relationship, I thought marriage was the next best step. It wasn't just because she was pregnant. I thought about it for a while, and we talked about it together. We agreed that we had what was necessary for a life long relationship. We have the same views on life, religion, politics, children, etc. On paper, we were a perfect match.

Fast forward 4 years and we have one 3 year old and a 2 year old, but our relationship is falling apart fast. I basically had a mental breakdown due to some bad medication that caused apathy and depression, which took a major toll on my job and my marriage. I didn't realize it was the medication until a while later. When I hit rock bottom, things were bad, and I felt the only solution was for me to move out, because I shouldn't be around the kids until I got better.

I moved out, and we both had rebound relationships of sorts. Mine ended after about 3 months, and hers is just ending now. We have been separated for a total of 7 months.

After about 5 months, I thought I was over her and moved on, but she started trying to reconnect with me while she was in her other relationship. I thought I was over her, but feelings started to come back as we started having intimate conversations about her current situation and how she felt about me.

At 7 months, she is getting over her other guy, and we are trying to find out where "we" stand or if there should ever be a "we" again. The real problem in our relationship comes down to one thing: we never were in love with each other. We cared and loved each other deeply, but we were not in love in the way that motivates you to work on yourselves and your relationship.

I know it probably seems crazy to think that after being together over 8 years, we could fall in love at this point, but I still can't help but think we never had the right chance. She has had problems with her hormones that can make her get very emotional and pick fights. That has mostly been reconciled by avoiding things that effect her hormone levels. She also has a bit of a temper, but she has been working on that. At this point, I think love will be a possibility once we both have healed from our past pains we have caused to each other. We both still love each other, and we enjoy spending time together, but we're also both very skeptical about any potential romantic future.

She is still getting over her guy after me so she is confused about her feelings. She thinks she should go date some guys, which I read as go sleep with some guys (she's highly sexual). I'm already working on the pain of getting over this guy she just dated that lived in my house with her and my kids (long story), but I don't think I could think about her romantically again if she started seeing other guys.

Yeah, I have to admit part of the reason I'm thinking so hard about this is because of our kids. I hate what this is doing to them, and they lost their stay at home mom as a result of this. I wouldn't say it's the only reason. She is still my best friend, and I love her.

I guess what I'm getting at is whether I should just move on and never look back (I would have to take that approach to get over this) or should I deal with the tough times of her checking out life for a little while and see what happens. Not sure I could do that, but I would try for a while if it seemed like the best option. I can understand why she wants to test the waters per se. She has never been single in her life since she had her first relationship at 16/17. She has hopped from one to another until now, and she's 30. I think her being alone is a good experience, but I'm just not sure I can handle it if my feelings for her are still there. I have told her that if she can tell me that we have no chance together, I will move on, but she won't. She went as far as saying there is a 95/98% chance, we will never happen again, but she refuses to close the door.

Any advice? Very very confused...

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