Online dating focuses too much on finding The One - Dating for ...

Q: For 10 years I worked for a well-known dating site and saw the opportunities online to meet a large number of people. Some will be great, some OK and some awful.

But unlike connecting in person at a grocery store, gym or a bar, you have a high level of security. You can easily block communication with someone if you feel uncomfortable.

Contrast that with the nice guy from the grocery store, who now knows where you shop and could follow you home.

There?s nothing stopping the woman at the health club from lying about her marital status. Nothing to keep the dude at the bar from lying about having a drug habit. Creepy people mislead potential partners no matter how they connect.

I know a dozen people who found their spouse through the site I worked for.

While most dates don?t end up in relationships, online dating still greatly expands the pool of people you can meet, and lets you cull people who are totally wrong for you.

Been There

A: Some readers might think you?re still working for this (unnamed) online site, based on your endorsement. But I agree that online dating, used judiciously, increases the numbers of possibilities for dates.

However, two points within your positive view must be stressed:

1.Creepy people do mislead others. Since an online site does not provide referral or background information, which you can get if you are set up by friends, or meeting someone in your own community, it?s up to you to be wary, to scrutinize people you meet online throughout the online process to avoid being duped.

2.Most dates do not become relationships. (Read that twice). Yet online dating focuses far too much on the promise of finding The One. It leads to unrealistic expectations and disappointments that bring feelings of rejection. Buyer beware.

Q: My close girlfriend, in her mid-50s, has been struggling with her weight for five years. She?s now about 100 pounds overweight.

She admits to being an emotional eater: She hadn?t expected to end up single, an expected inheritance hasn?t materialized and there are family issues around that.

She sees a therapist and takes an antidepressant. She sees weight-loss doctors for injections and supplements. She takes many other supplements and vitamins daily.

She takes pride in her appearance, with frequent esthetic appointments.

But she does not moderate her eating ? neither portions nor choices. And she doesn?t exercise at all. She?ll meet me for a meal, but not for a walk. I?ve given up asking her to join me at my gym or yoga class.

For her birthday, another close friend gave her a gift certificate for visits to a registered dietician. She didn?t use the gift.

She?s still good company and makes a show of laughing at herself about her weight as a defensive strategy. It?s sad and we, her friends, don?t know what to say or do any more. We?re very concerned for her health. She can?t walk a block without being out of breath.

What more can we say or do?

Concerned

A: Back off. You all mean well, but it?s having no effect. Being left to her own choices may be the only way she?ll one day take responsibility for health effects and low energy.

That doesn?t mean you don?t care. Tell her firmly that such a rapid weight gain cries out for a thorough medical checkup. Her 100-pound gain is an alarm bell that she needs to start with this basic investigation.

Endocrinology ? a branch of biology and medicine dealing with hormones, metabolism and related body functions ? might reveals problems.

TIP OF THE DAY

If starting online dating, consider it as Buyer Beware territory.

Email ellie@thestar.ca. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.

Article source: http://www.thestar.com/living/article/1248337--online-dating-focuses-too-much-on-finding-the-one

Source: http://www.parentsdatingparents.com/online-dating-focuses-too-much-on-finding-the-one/

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