Wife comes home from rehab this week.. Nervous! - SoberRecovery ...

I had a lot of fear and anxiety about my exRAH coming home from rehab, also.
It's a fair feeling to have. So much uncertainty

My advice is to get VERY clear about your boundaries. Make a list. One for you, one for you/kids.
If she HAD to go due to a (very dangerous) mishap, she may not have been able to reap much benefit from it. In other words, addicts need to choose to go for help.
Thats not a maxim across the board, but, boudaries are my best advice.

I had clear boundaries, had written them in a letter. I read him the letter at the last visit before he came home.
One by one, the boundaries were altered, and crossed.
All I can say, from my experience, is make the clear boundaries and stick to them, and even know what your plan is if they are not respected. If you make a boundary and she crosses it, and you do not follow through on the plan, she will just do it again.

My list was like this: One column Unacceptable Behavior.
Next column: Consequences of the Behavior.

One of my boundaries was about sharing responsibilities.
Another was about not going to old haunts/bars.
I bent on both. Things spiralled far out of control.

He wanted to be able to go to bars, see old friends.
He did it. It was on my list, but I did not follow through, and he saw this as a sign that my list meant nothing.

So, I remade the list, and I re established the rules of being involved with me and our son.
After a while, it became clear he was unable OR unwilling(doesnt matter...) to follow the basic rules of family living. I put him out, and then we tried again six months later.

Had to put him out again, because he was unable to take part. Sober. Still sober, still unable to take part.

My H acted like an entitled teenager ,he played on my sympathy, manipulated my desire to have an intact healthy family.
Before I knew it, it was all on his terms again.

he is still sober. We are separated. Sobriety is not a magic pill.
There are issues to deal with after, and they are for the adult addict to figure out, but you should definitely be clear on your boundaries for your emotional health and sanity and for the safety and sanity of your child/ren

Source: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/263976-wife-comes-home-rehab-week-nervous.html

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